


No More Time To Cry

by persephone20



Series: the Haunted series [7]
Category: The Vampire Diaries (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - The Vampire Diaries Fusion, F/M, TVD episode: 'Smells Like Teen Spirit', TVD episode: 'The Departed', TVD episode: 'The Reckoning'
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-26
Updated: 2020-03-11
Packaged: 2021-02-28 00:53:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 10,988
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22905019
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/persephone20/pseuds/persephone20
Summary: Elena has almost half a year left before graduation from Mystic Falls, but she knows already that she’ll never be able to step foot in this gym again. Klaus needs Elena’s blood to create hybrids. Damon, Alaric and Jeremy are understandably Not Thrilled.This is a very belated response to a request for returning to my beloved Haunted series. Also due to my recent rewatching of TVD. 😉An AU series in which Elena has been romantically involved in both brothers (although currently Stefan is MIA). Following the sequence of events from Season 3, Episode 5. Set just days afterFall Into You(early season 3).
Relationships: Caroline Forbes/Tyler Lockwood, Elena Gilbert/Damon Salvatore, Jeremy Gilbert/Annabelle "Anna" Zhu, Matt Donovan/Caroline Forbes
Series: the Haunted series [7]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/10352
Kudos: 7





	1. Chapter 1

Elena has a full year left before graduation from Mystic Falls, but she knows already that she’ll never be able to step foot in this gym again.

“Where’s Stefan?” she demands, hating the way her voice sounds to her ears. She will never be able to stand up to the vampires, and werewolves, and hybrids, and witches, and she knows it. 

It’s almost enough to change her mind on something that was very important to her only a month ago. 

“Oh, he had other things to do.” Klaus smiles a slow grin, one that actually reaches his eyes, and Elena grits her back teeth.

She knows that there's only so much that she can push here. Not with two other students' lives on the line. She won't do that to them. She won't do that to their families. The last thing Elena wants to cause is more suffering. 

Suffering keeps finding its way back to her, though.

*

Day 17 of No Vampires or Vampire-Werewolf Hybrids Trying to Kill Elena Gilbert filled out into about 3 full weeks before anything changed for the negative. 

It was still difficult for Elena to wake up and walk past Jenna's empty bedroom on the way to the stairs. But, if it was difficult for Elena, she knew it would be difficult for Jeremy as well. And that was why she made sure to keep coming home from the Salvatore boarding house. 

Alaric had adjusted... well enough to finding out Elena and Damon were dating - had been dating for several months by then. Between Alaric, Jeremy, Anna, Damon and Elena, they had just enough to make an almost functional family; all of them coming together from their own severely fractured families. When the number of mysteriously lost or dead members of family outnumbered the little cobbled together family that was left...

Well. Elena tried not to wander down that train of thought very often. But it was always there. 

Also there were the silly dinners that Elena and Damon made in the kitchen. They didn't need to hide or pretend now that the dancing and laughing was anything other than what it actually was. Even Alaric had made a comment about the importance of finding happiness wherever one could. 

Elena would have felt happier if she hadn't also worried that her and Jeremy were making Alaric feel awfully like a fifth wheel. Not that he said anything. But they were all under each others' feet a lot. Sometimes, they didn't need to say anything. 

Like when Alaric started training Jeremy how to fight, as well as Elena. 

Or when he went to Carol Lockwood and Liz Forbes to ask about taking his place on the Mystic Falls Council. As a Gilbert. 

"You're a Gilbert now?" Elena licked her lips as she spoke the words. There were such a small number of Gilberts in Mystic Falls now. Even Jenna had never claimed that name, for all that she had been Elena and Jeremy's legal guardian. Elena didn't technically fall under the Gilbert name if one was talking about genes. Which might have been why she was so okay with Alaric claiming it for himself. 

Alaric looked almost panicked there for a minute. "I mean, if that's... I was just--"

"It's fine, Ric. More than fine." She probably should have started with that. To make up for that, she put a bit more effusiveness into her tone than she might otherwise have. "You're family to us as well."

Alaric shrugged and looked down at his feet, more abashed now than he'd been worried. "I want to make sure your and Jeremy's interests are looked after. As _humans_. Don't think it doesn't escape me that _both_ of you are dating vampires."

After that, Elena considered that maybe it was that fact--rather than feeling like a fifth wheel--that made for the sometimes odd energy she felt from him. 

And maybe it was both. 

She heard later that Alaric had the same conversation with Jeremy, making sure that the answer of acceptance was the same from both of them. 

Both Elena and Jeremy went to school every day. It was nice to have the normalcy. Bonnie returned from her visit to family and came back to school. Elena felt relieved at how easily Bonnie greeted both her and Caroline again. It seemed as though everything was better than it had been for the first half of the school year. 

Elena missed Stefan less. She even missed Jenna less, though in a completely different way. Some nights, she still woke up from dreams about the night Jenna had been made into a vampire. The fear and shock on her face. The way she had experimented with her heightened senses for the first time. The way she had tried to attack Klaus for her. 

The sound of her body hitting the rocks. 

And Damon. Damon hadn't been there that night, but he was always there when she awoke, sometimes in tears, sometimes sobbing, sometimes screaming. One time, she beat against his chest with both hands bunched before realising it was he who held her, not Klaus. 

They didn't talk about the way he'd drunk from her when that was something she'd never allowed that from anyone she wasn't intimate with. How much of a violation that had felt like. 

And how she hadn't been able to deal with the idea of being close with Damon like that since it had happened. 

He said he didn't mind the blood bags. Elena wasn't quite sure that she _believed_ him but, if it was a lie, it was one she had been happy to accept during those 3 weeks of No Vampires or Vampire-Werewolf Hybrids Trying to Kill Elena Gilbert.

That had come crashing back to an undeniable halt when Klaus had stormed back into Mystic Falls, determined to find out why he hadn't been able to build his hybrid empire after the wreck he'd left of Elena's life the first time. 

*

She stares up at him in both hatred and horror. At least he'd released the girl from standing on one leg for as long as she could stand. She was crouched in the boy's arms--Elena wished she could remember his name, but her life had narrowed down so much over the last year that she really didn't pay attention to anyone else at Mystic Falls High--and Elena was glad for now of the reprieve. For them, at least. 

For her, there was no reprieve to be found. 

Klaus' full attention is on her now. There was no Damon, no Stefan, no Alaric. Caroline and Tyler had gone to find Bonnie at Klaus' command. Elena had begged them to go. Same reason as before; she couldn't be the reason why anyone else was hurt. 

"One of these days, love, you're going to realise that you aren't the one to blame for things other people do."

Elena's eyes flash. It's almost... kind advice from Klaus; from the last quarter she would have possibly thought such a sentiment might have come. 

He tsks at her. "No need to look so shocked, love. I'm not completely heartless. And, it just so happens, I no longer need you dead. It was nothing personal, before."

Funny how, with Jenna dead and Stefan gone, Elena has taken things _very_ personally. 

She doesn't reply with anything, and he doesn't seem to need a reply. For now, at least, Klaus seems very comfortable with strolling almost the length of the basketball court in front of her. 

"I don't imagine that's very much comfort to you."

"Shockingly, no," Elena bites out. 

"Hmm." Klaus presses his lips together, staring off towards the scoreboard. "I desperately need more people around who have been alive for more than 18 years. You really have no idea how little perspective you have."

He glances towards her again with narrowed eyes, and Elena does her best not to look away from him. She's never cowered in his presence before now, and she just isn't about to start now. 

"Luckily for you, I plan on you having a very long, perspective filled life. It really is very good news," Klaus says, as though waiting for her to join in his joviality. 

Elena won't give him the satisfaction. 

"Where's Stefan?" she asks again, her voice low. 

"Ah, Stefan." Once again, Klaus glances from her, as though at something only he can see. "On that note of more people who have been alive more than 18 years, I brought my sister back! Her and Stefan are having some incredibly good times."

Elena shakes her head. She has no idea what to make of this. Brought his sister back from where? And what kind of times? Are these questions she even wants answers to? Her face contorts in an attempt not to let the words out. Klaus in a talkative mood, but what if she really doesn't want to hear it? It's not as if she can get up and leave. 

"You don't know my sister. Very different to Elijah. I don't think she'd take to you as well as he did, which is why I didn't bring her to Mystic Falls." A pause here, again like he's waiting for her to thank him for a kindness. He doesn't wait long before going on. "Stefan and Rebekah had a thing back in the 1920s. They've picked up exactly where they left off."

Elena tells herself that she doesn't mind, that she doesn't care, that Stefan may have left her first, but things have been quieter since he left. Better. She definitely doesn't care if he's spent that time with some other girl. 

"Which just leaves you and me, love," Klaus says. 

*

Damon got a phone call from a properly frantic Caroline after the first sighting they've had of Klaus in _weeks_. He'd known it was too good to be true, too fast to be celebrated. He knew he should have remained on his guard, that he should have been drinking more often and more fresh than blood bags and the occasional night of scotch at the Grill with Alaric. Once again, Klaus has come to Mystic Falls and taken them all by surprise. 

But it won't be like last time, he tells himself. It can't be. The curse is already broken so Klaus can't want Elena dead. But what else would he have come back for?

His phone call with Caroline is replaced by a phone call to Alaric, and then the two of them are racing towards the high school to do as much as they can to mitigate events before they get worse. 

The only problem with that plan is that neither Klaus nor Elena are at the high school when they get there. 

"Where are they?" Damon growls, desperately searching around as though that will make them appear in plain sight. 

Instead of answering, Alaric walks over to two kids who they've found sitting in the middle of the basketball court crying into each others' arms. They don't have _time_ for this, but Alaric crouches beside them anyway. 

"What happened here?" he asks softly. 

Damon stalks a step or two towards them, then crosses his arms over his chest and glowers. Forcefully.

They don't even seem to see him. The whole attention of the boy is on Alaric, who Damon belatedly remembers they will recognise as their teacher. The girl still has her head buried in the crook of that boy's shoulder. 

"He came here. Threatened to beat Dana up if she dropped her foot." His face changes expression, scrunches up and frowning. "Or said that I should...!"

"Here here, calm down," Alaric says, reaching a hand out to touch the student on the knee, bringing him back to the present. "He's not here anymore. And, as you can see, Dana hasn't been beaten up." Damon watches as Alaric's gaze moves from the boy across to Dana, as though reassuring himself of those words before moving on. "Do you know where the man went?"

Damon clenches his jaw tightly enough that his molars hurt. He doesn't care. This is the answer they desperately need if they're going to have any chance of cottoning on to Klaus' latest crazy stunt. Thankfully, he doesn't need to breathe, so holding his breath isn't an issue.

"He went... Elena," the boy says suddenly. "He took Elena with him. Said they had business elsewhere."

 _"Where?"_ Damon demands, abruptly losing patience with the whole deal.

The boy's gaze moves across to him and Damon can just see him shrinking into himself. 

"Dammit, Ric, we do not have _time_ for this," he says, instead of dealing with the fact that two traumatised teenagers are the best lead that they have right now. 

Alaric ignores him. "Hey, look at me," he says, which the boy does. Damon rolls his eyes, uncrossing and then crossing his arms again restlessly. "Do you know where?"

"He mentioned a hospital," Dana says, her voice muffled by the other student's shoulder as she lifts her head only slightly. "And blood. Something about needing her blood."

Alaric finally looks back over his shoulder at Damon and Damon meets his eyes, almost leaving right then and there. There aren't many hospitals in Mystic Falls and surrounding areas. He could speed through all of them before anyone knew he had left.

But Alaric isn't finished. "Do either of you have anyone you could call? To pick you up?"

"Yeah," the boy says, sounding lost. "Yeah, my dad can come."

"My dad too," Dana echoes, her voice small.

"Good. That's good." Again, Alaric looks over his shoulder. Damon's frankly surprised to find himself still standing there. But Ric can _not_ be thinking about waiting here until these kids have someone to pick them up. "Okay. Okay, I have to go now, but you both call your parents, okay?"

Finally, Damon thinks, as Alaric stands up from his haunches. They need to go. They need to go now. They needed to go five minutes ago, and Damon's not waiting anymore. 

*

Elena fought it when Klaus dragged her towards the hospital bed. She knew she'd lost the battle well before he had the nurse he'd compelled restrain her to the bed. It had never really been a battle, and yet Elena couldn't help herself. She wouldn't lay down just because Klaus had said he had no interest in killing her. 

" _This_ is the kind of perspective you want me to gain?" she spat at him just before the nurse stabbed a needle into her arm. She hissed a breath out, not wanting to show even that much weakness while Klaus was in the same room. 

"Just until I have enough blood to make a start." Klaus' words were directed towards her, but his whole attention was on the nurse who was starting to take her blood at the same time as starting the sedative that would no doubt have her under in moments. 

Elena tried to struggle once more, but the binds were tight, pinching against her skin without Elena even having much of a struggle to show for it. 

She didn't remember much more before Damon arrived. She breathed out a sigh of relief, blinking several times, still groggy from the sedative. She moves her lips around his name, but she's not even sure that the sound of it makes its way into the hospital room. 

"Come on," Damon says, lifting her up into his arms with all gentleness. 

She doesn't ask how he found her, or how long she's been missing. She just concentrates on being awake, and on not worrying just yet about how much of her blood Klaus has already taken away with him.


	2. Chapter 2

Everyone else is getting drunk at the bonfire. Coach let them go early, and Matt's pretty sure Tyler had something to do with it. 

Never mind. As usual, Matt has other, just as important things on his mind. 

Jeremy told him that Anna and Alaric were teaching him how to fight. What began as something Anna started to make sure that Jeremy was a little less dependant on his ring got co-opted by Alaric wanting to have oversight. 

"It's not that I don't trust Anna, Jeremy." He'd paused here. Ran a hand through his already dishevelled looking hair. And sighed. "It's just that I... don't... trust Anna."

Anna was apparently right by Jeremy's side when Alaric said this, gaining an apologetic look from the history teacher. 

"It's okay, Ric," Jeremy said with a shrug. "It's not like I can blame you, not trusting vampires after everything."

When Jeremy told him about it, Matt came to the small training group more because Alaric didn't trust vampires, rather than because Anna was there. He hadn't had a great deal to do with Anna before that--pretty much nothing--but she was small like Caroline. Also, like Caroline, it was difficult to make himself remember that small, petite and youthful looking Anna was pretty much also a killing machine. 

"Is it okay if I join in, Mr. Saltzman?" Matt asked, unable to get himself to pick up calling his teacher by his first name the way that Elena and Jeremy did. 

"Yeah, sure Matt," he replied. Maybe teaching basic combat skills was the same as teaching history; it didn't actually matter if there were 2 or 20 kids in the room, the same stuff was being taught. 

It was shortly after that when Matt realised this wasn't exactly 'basic' combat skills they were learning. Alaric pulled out a crossbow from a long gym bag. 

"I didn't realise we'd have two of you, and the other crossbow I have is heavy. So you'll have to share," Alaric says, handing the weapon to Jeremy first. 

"Cool," Jeremy replies, lifting it up in his hands as if to test its weight. 

Matt shoves his hands deeper into his jacket pockets. 

Anna stands by Matt while the two of them watch Jeremy attempt to hit a target on his first try. 

The arrow barely flies half the distance. Matt hears a sound from beside him that might just be Anna stifling a chuckle at this first attempt. By the time Matt looks over to her, however, Anna's face is completely clear of emotion, so he can't quite be sure. 

It's only when Anna side glances his way, and he glimpses a hint of mirth in her eyes, that Matt realises that what he thinks he heard is probably exactly accurate. 

As he looks away, he forces himself to remind himself again that she's a vampire. And not one he grew up with like he did with Caroline.

When it comes to his turn to try out the crossbow, Alaric is a little bit more hands on than he'd been with Jeremy. Maybe it's because this is Matt's first time handling a weapon of any sort, and somehow Alaric knows that.

Matt doesn't try to play the macho man, like he knows that Tyler would have. He doesn't try to pretend he knows more than he does. He's here to learn how to defend himself in a town that regularly grows full to busting in vampire population, and Alaric is willing to teach him. No questions asked. 

His muscles aren't sore by the time they finish going through some combat moves. Matt supposes that being part of the football team has to count for something. What surprises him is that Jeremy looks completely comfortable afterwards as well. Has he even broken a sweat?

He watches on for a moment as Jeremy sidles by Anna and wraps her in his arms. He's a full head taller than Anna--when did Elena's little brother end up standing shoulder to shoulder with Matt, he wants to know!--and he gently rests a kiss on the top of her head. 

Anna closes her eyes, the look on her face blissful. 

Behind him, Alaric is clearing away the weapons they used for practice today. When he comes up to Matt's side, Matt startles and looks away from Jeremy and Anna. He clears his throat, feeling awkward to be found looking on at them for no particular reason that comes to mind. 

Maybe it's because, while Jeremy--and even Matt--have vampire girlfriends, Jenna was killed before she barely even had the chance to try to make a life while being a vampire. Not to mention the wife who left him before that to become a vampire. Oh yeah, Jeremy told him about that one too. 

Alaric doesn't seem to know what to say in closing anymore than Matt does, but when Alaric continues to walk past Matt towards his car, Matt finds himself following. 

"Do you mind if I get a ride with you back to town, Mr. Salzman?"

His teacher looks over at him. There an age in his expression that has nothing to do with the fact that he's older and a teacher. 

"If you're going to be coming here to train with Jeremy, I think you can call me Ric, don't you?" He raises one eyebrow as if to punctuate this thought. 

Matt hesitates. He still calls Caroline and Tyler's mums 'Mrs'. And, as well as being his history teacher, Alaric is ostensibly Elena and Jeremy's carer. Sort of. 

He swallows. Unlike Mrs. Forbes and Lockwood, Alaric doesn't seem the sort to stand on any ceremony. And wouldn't it be more awkward for Matt not to call him by his first name after he's been asked to?

"Yeah," Matt says with a shrug, as though none of it's any big deal. "I can do that."

*

The next time Matt comes to practice, Caroline comes with him. And, because Caroline has difficulties in not sharing things with other people, Bonnie and Elena are at her sides. Matt finds it curious when he sees Elena there. He'd assumed she wasn't interested when Jeremy told him about this and Elena hadn't been there the last time. 

Alaric looks over this small gaggle of teens as though he's not exactly sure what he's now signed up for. 

Caroline immediately steps forward towards him, shaking her blonde hair out and saying chirpily, "That's what I'm here for! If you want to fight a vampire, who better to test against than another vampire?"

"Uh..." Jeremy starts. 

And Anna continues, "You know, I'm standing right here."

Caroline looks to Anna. "Oh, I mean, you can help of course!" she says, too caught up in her own excitement of another group project to hear how her words sound to everyone else. 

She has been getting gradually better at this, but there's always the probability of stepping backwards when traits run as deep as this.

"Care..." Matt starts.

That's when Damon arrives. "Sorry I'm late. Had to look over some very important business. You all understand."

And suddenly Caroline is no longer the most obnoxious person in the group.

There are now 8 of them standing around in the field where two days before there was half that. The quieter half. As Caroline starts off saying something about Klaus, Damon replies by saying he's taken care of it. Elena loudly tries to get in between the two of them to get them to give it a rest. But, although both of them obviously think the world of her, neither of them are listening. 

Matt gets sick of it. "Alright, enough!" he calls over them all. 

Alaric looks surprised. Jeremy looks impressed. 

Matt holds onto that, knowing that, with Caroline, Bonnie, Anna and Damon here, he sits in the lower half of power in this new group of them. But that's what he's here about, dammit. And he doesn't want to watch anymore time trickle away with arguments he's not even part of. He's here to train. 

If Alaric was Coach, he would have already taken the lead and gotten the rest of them to calm down. Focus. Get back in line and do some laps to burn off all that excess energy. 

But Alaric isn't Coach. He's a history teacher who just also happens to know a bit about vampire killing. He's the best they've got.

"What are you even here for if you're not going to listen?" Matt asks in frustration. "What are you doing?"

"Matt's right." Jeremy steps up now that Matt's got everyone's attention, and Matt finds that he's not bothered by it. He's not a huge fan of the spotlight. Frankly, he's never quite found time for it, and so it's uncomfortable for it to find him now. "We're here to train. Let's start training."

Matt gives Jeremy a grateful smile, and Alaric claps Matt on the back on his way to separating them into smaller groups to work one on one together. One vampire to each group. Anna with Elena. Caroline with Jeremy. Damon with Bonnie. 

And Alaric with Matt. 

"That was good, how you got everyone to stop and listen. I'm glad Jeremy told you about this," Alaric says. "But, maybe, a heads up before you brought all the girls?"

"It was only meant to be Caroline," Matt grouses. But, if he's realistic with himself, he knew it was never going to be just Caroline even when he told her about this. 

If he's honest with himself, he _wants_ Bonnie and Elena here. They're the only two people he grew up with who are still just as human as he is. 

*

It's unfortunate, then, that when Alaric dies, none of them were there to back him up. If he'd bothered to talk to any of them before things got so bad, maybe...

Matt doesn't pretend he knows anything about the mystic stuff that Bonnie is so into. He's heard enough over time that he could have asked for a heads up or clarified points here or there. But he just doesn't get it and doesn't want to. So, no, he doesn't actually understand whether Alaric talking to them before the end would have changed a single damn thing. 

When Elena's car goes off the side of Wickery Bridge, all the training they've spent their time with does anything to stop her from drowning. 

He should have done something. He should have--

He'd been the one who was driving, so Matt knows that there's only one person to blame for the way things went with Elena. He was unconscious through most of it. She was the one trying to save him. And he...

The sense of uselessness in Matt leaves him wanting to beat walls whenever he's inside. He can't think of Elena. So he spends a lot of his time out in the field where he used to train. After he showed himself halfway decent with a crossbow and a knife, Alaric lent them both to him to practice with in his own time. 

He'd never taken them back. Now, Matt supposed he never would. 

He lowers the crossbow and looks absently towards the tree trunk he'd been aiming at. What's the point? He can't help but think this thought about 17 times a day. Vicky's gone. So is his mum. Alaric was just starting to seem like a surrogate parent type before things went off the rails with him too. Maybe it's Matt. Maybe he can't get close to anyone without them dying or ending up a terrible person on the way somehow. 

When Damon quietly tells Matt that Elena's come back as a vampire, Matt feels...

Nothing. 

He can't feel happy that Elena's alive after all. He can't feel sad that she's not dead. He can't stop blaming himself now with this latest news. There's just something new, now, for him to blame himself for. 

Matt can't even look at Caroline and think how she's managed to make and keep a life for herself even after having been killed by Katherine last year. 

Elena's just another person who isn't human anymore. 

Matt lifts the crossbow again, aiming at the tree trunk once more. He takes a deep breath in. Lets it out. Takes another breath in and hopes that--this time--it'll stop his arms from shaking. 

He realises only then that it's not just his arms that are shaking. It's his whole body. 

Wetness streams down his cheeks, and he puts the crossbow down. He'd know enough even without Alaric's training that it's too dangerous for him to handle a weapon right now. 

He sinks to his ass on the field that had once--not even so long ago now--been filled with his friends and their closest people. He's alone now. Pressure tightens his chest until he feels he can hardly breathe. It's awful, this feeling. He feels like his vision goes black around the edges. He needs to grab more air in, but it just comes out as sobs.


	3. Chapter 3

"I - I helped her. She needed my help," Meredith said.

It's the second time Elena has woken up in a hospital in the last year.

No, not hospital, she realises, looking around even as she gasps for breath. The last thing she remembers is drowning. Did she wake up again since then? How did she get here? 

"Where am...?" 

Elena frowns, taking things very slowly as she looks around her. 

Damon is there. Stefan. Meredith too. 

Elena starts to smile. Okay, so she knows things have been different between her and Stefan since she realised that it was _Damon's_ love that would bring him back, not Elena's. But that doesn't mean she isn't happy to see him. 

But maybe she's a bit happier to see Damon there just inside the door. Just a little bit. They've already been through so much. He's always been the one who was right at her side when she's opened her eyes. 

And that's when the hunger hits her. 

"What--"

Her gums _hurt_. She's trying to move her jaw to sit in a more comfortable way, but it feels like her mouth is too small for both her tongue and her teeth at the same time. She whimpers.

And then her eyes widen. Her hands jump up without her even thinking about it, maybe faster than she should be able to move. 

Suddenly the tears in Stefan's eyes make sense. She isn't just badly hurt from the car crash with Matt. She isn't...

"No..." She's shaking her head fast, fingernails clawing desperately at the veins she can feel. No, this can't be her. This can't be _her_ face. She doesn't even remember transition. What happened to transition?!

"She woke up a little while ago," Meredith said. "Before you got here, Stefan..."

Behind Stefan, Damon turns to Meredith and grabs her by the upper arms. "Forget this. Leave us."

But she's already said enough. Elena's been through transition already and come out of it the other side. "Oh god," she whispers.

Morgue. Elena suddenly knows the word for this room now. Knows where she must be. 

Tears fall down her face, wetting the tips of fingers that are still touching the raised veins under her eyes. She'd never thought to ask any of them before whether it was possible to cry and She thinks Caroline must know. Surely Caroline must know! 

Caroline... 

Elena whimpers again, knowing that Caroline went through this. It was so very different on the other side of things. Talking with Damon and Stefan about how they were going to not kill her. Planning how Stefan was going to keep her from losing self control. It had been clinical on that side, despite the devastation of knowing how close Caroline had been to actual death. It had been clinical then. 

It isn't clinical now. 

Elena's lower lip trembles. She doesn't know how to hold herself together. She doesn't know how to do this. 

Her gaze meets Stefan's before she can pull it away again. All she can think of was their conversations only six months ago. Klaus had seemed like the biggest threat then. She'd been going to die at his hands in the ritual, and she didn't want to come back a vampire. 

She hadn't wanted to become a vampire. 

A moaning sound happened, and Elena realises it came from her, muffled and sounding different because of her _teeth _that are _longer_ and she can't make them _go away!___

__"Elena..." These are the first words Stefan has said. Elena preferred it when Damon was speaking to someone else. Not her. Not in a way that she had to respond._ _

__How is she supposed to respond with these teeth?_ _

__The more she obsessed on them, the bigger they felt in her mouth. Haven't they stopped growing yet?_ _

__"Elena, please. You're bleeding."_ _

__And that's when Elena realises that clawing into the skin of her face has caused welts bleeding alongside the tears on her face. She must look an absolute sight, but it's hard to feel vain when the whole of her life has shattered, collapsing around her feet. She wanted to be a doctor. How is she ever going to be a doctor while being a vampire at the same time?_ _

__When Stefan gently takes both of her hands in his and pulls them away, Elena lets him. She's not actually sure if she would be able to stop him. How strong is she now? Is a vampire only a couple of minutes old as strong as a vampire as old as Stefan? Anywhere even close? She knows from experience with others that she'll be stronger than she was before--_ _

__For the first time since realising what's happened to her, Elena seriously thinks about waiting for the sun to rise, then getting away from both Damon and Stefan somehow and letting real death take her. Maybe that's the best solution._ _

__But then she thinks about Jeremy. He has Anna--and she knows how happy Anna makes him--but he doesn't have any other family left. How can Elena make that choice and leave him the last Gilbert standing in that big house?_ _

__How can she not? She wouldn't be coming back into that house as anything other than a monster. Someone who hadn't got any control over their new bloodlust. Someone it would be a danger for Jeremy to be around._ _

__Not to mention, she wouldn't even be able to walk into that house. Not without an invitation._ _

__She let Stefan hold her hands in both of his because she didn't know even the first thing otherwise to do. A moment before, she felt overwhelmed with feelings and tears. Now, she feels... nothing. Almost like she was too overwhelmed to even process what she's feeling right now. She felt a little like this after her parents died, and then again after Jenna. Like everything's so much that it all switches off for a little while, except... not._ _

__Huh. Is that how easy it is to turn off the humanity switch._ _

__She looks across at Stefan. Things seem easier now, more obvious. He wasn't there for her while his humanity was switched off. She remembers him calling her a blood bag, and worse. Where she always chose to see the best in him, and to hope, she can't quite see a reason for any of that now. And so she lets it go._ _

__Right now, his brow is furrowed and he's leaning over her, hands reached out in front of him. She remembers that even the hint of physical touch between them used to zing through her body._ _

__Hmm. There's none of that now. No excitement, because that's obviously connected to her humanity._ _

__She lets him go._ _

__Instead of feeling, she stops breathing, because she doesn't need to anymore, and habit of it isn't enough to keep her continuing to. She considers what her options are._ _

__"I want to see Caroline." She would like to see Caroline because it's only been six months since Caroline went through the same thing as her. Because, if nothing else, Caroline is always completely rational. Even if sometimes annoying, but Elena doesn't have that problem anymore. The most sensible person for her to find right now is Caroline._ _

__"Okay. That's good! I'll call her." Stefan looks at Damon before releasing Elena's hands and taking his phone out. He steps away, but not that far. He'd have to go too far for her not to be able to hear the conversation, and what would be the point of that anyway? He's doing what she's asked._ _

__Damon steps closer to her, still not touching her. Elena's not quite sure why he's keeping his distance. It doesn't really matter. More of a minor curiosity._ _

__"You doing okay there?" Damon asks her warily._ _

__"I'm a vampire," Elena responds, as though his question is a stupid one._ _

__"Well. Yeah. Apart from that." His words are stilted, strange. The expression on his face--his narrowed eyes, the slight frown to one side of his mouth--tells a different story than that he's relieved to see her still alive._ _

__Elena turns her head to the side, looking at him better. "There isn't anything apart from that."_ _

__Damon presses his lips together, saying nothing. And so Elena hears the conversation happening between Stefan and Caroline._ _

___"Of course I'll be there! I'll be right over. Right now. I'm already on my way."_ _ _

__Depending on where Caroline is, it will take no more than a minute or two to arrive in the morgue. Stefan's given her the details. He hangs up and turns towards them again._ _

__Before he speaks, Damon pipes up again._ _

__"Elena's switched off her humanity," he states, as though it's a fact._ _

__Which, Elena supposes it is. She should have known that Damon would be the first one to notice. The only one to notice on his own. Who else has spent their time paying as much attention to her as Damon has? She's almost proud of him for picking it up so quick. Almost._ _

__Meanwhile, Stefan scoffs. "No, she hasn't!"_ _

__"I promise you, brother. She has."_ _

__The two of them speak about her as though she isn't in the room. Elena finds she isn't very much a fan of that, no different to when they've done it in the past when she was only a human girl. Difference is, there is something she can do about it now._ _

__"It's impossible. She doesn't know how to."_ _

__"Well, it must be possible. Because she's done it."_ _

__Elena can remember only moments ago that she was considering finding the sunrise somewhere. The idea seems ludicrous now. There is only one thing that beats with importance within her, and that is life, life, _life_._ _

__Damon's already compelled Meredith away and, even when Caroline arrives, that's going to leave her in a room with three vampires and no humans. Which means no human blood. And she's _hungry_. _ _

__She knows that Damon--at the very least--will make sure that she has blood soon, but soon isn't now and now is what she wants. Anyone else in any of the other rooms of the hospital are going to be too obvious. Too much trouble. But there will be blood bags._ _

__As soon as she has the thought, Elena tunes out the conversation between the two boys. Using the senses she taught Jenna only moments before her death, Elena can figure out a basic direction for the smell of blood. Not the fresh stuff, but the kind that's a little bit more... stale? She figures that must be the scent of blood bags, and that's all she needs to know before she is speeding straight off the stretcher and across to her destination._ _

__*_ _

__It takes her a while to open the bag. She's clumsy and her teeth keep on getting in the way rather than helping her out. She's about to throw the chewed up bag against the wall and claim a new one when it's plucked right out of her hands._ _

__"I have to admit," says Damon in a lighter tone than before, "I'm impressed." He tears the bag open with his own teeth, then hands it back to her. "This will tide you over. I'll take you out to hunt something real soon."_ _

__"Elena didn't want this." Stefan is shaking his head. He's the one who's standing further back behind Damon now. He's the one touching her this time, not Stefan. Oh, how quickly things have changed._ _

__Elena doesn't care about what either of them think. There's blood in front of her now, easily accessible, and Elena drinks from it until she's slurping the very ends out of the plastic._ _

__"Oh, this is where you are!" Caroline opens the door behind Stefan, then closes it softly behind her. Only then does she seem to focus down on where Elena and Damon are crouched on the ground. "Oh. So you've already completely your transition. That's good." It sounded like the positivity to her voice was very forced. More likely, she didn't know exactly what to think of what she'd walked in on._ _

__Elena eyed another blood bag, wondering if she could get away with snagging another one under Damon's watchful eye. She didn't _need_ more blood, she supposed. But it tasted good, and she could feel it making her strong. _ _

__"Meredith did it," Stefan said, turning away from Elena and talking to Caroline. "Before I got here. Gave Elena blood."_ _

__"So, she's a vampire now," Caroline said. Elena could feel the weight of her gaze from her peripheral vision._ _

__Damon reached over and passed her another blood bag._ _

__"Damon..." Stefan said, but Elena was better at opening this one and it was already half gone. Besides, what was he going to do about it anyway? Other than sound disapproving._ _

__After she finished this one, she could take Caroline and get away from both Stefan and Damon and talk about things that were actually important._ _

__"You guys, there's something else you need to know." For the first time, Caroline sounds uncertain, and she's not trying to hide it. "Before Alaric died? He told the council that I'm a vampire, and that Tyler's half vampire and half werewolf. God forbid things actually go back to normal here now that Klaus is finally gone!"_ _

__Like, well, that._ _

__"Do they know about me?" Elena asks, removing the second blood bag from her mouth and dropping it to the floor._ _

__Caroline shakes her head. "Not about you. Nobody knew about you." She gazes to Damon and Stefan. "They know about both of you though. Tyler's already making plans while I'm here."_ _

__"Plans," Elena repeats._ _

__"About what we do now," Caroline says, returning her attention to Elena. She sighs. "You've got to come with us now. We aren't leaving you behind. We'll get Bonnie to make you a daylight ring."_ _

__"Good," Elena says. She doesn't want to be left behind. That wasn't part of her plans at all._ _

__"Wait just a second," Damon starts._ _

__"No," Elena replies shortly._ _

__Caroline looks between Elena and Damon as though she's expecting something else to get said. When it doesn't, she continues. "Okay then." She looks to the blood bags and scrunches her nose. "Let's dispose of those and go back to my house. Mrs. Lockwood's already organised a car for us. Money. Mom's organising fake IDs for me and Tyler. I know she'll make one for you as well now, Elena."_ _

__Elena nods. Now that her hunger is sated, it's easier to see the wisdom of this plan. And, unlike the boys, Caroline is actually talking directly to her about the plan. There were multiple reasons why it was Caroline that she wanted._ _

__After the empty bags are disposed of, Caroline falls into step beside Elena. She takes Elena's hand and squeezes you. "I'm so glad you're okay."_ _

__*_ _

__Obviously Jeremy isn't at the Forbes house with the rest of them, but it only occurs to Elena later that Matt isn't at the house planning to leave with the rest of them._ _

__"Where's Matt?" she asks, if only to find out where she should go to thank him for this current state of her being a vampire now._ _

__Caroline's quiet for a moment. Her words, when they come, are very quiet. "He said he'd had enough. After the accident..."_ _

__Tyler's right there at her back, protective to the last. He gives a look towards Elena that's like a glare, only she could care less what he thinks of her._ _

__"Ugh," Damon shook his head. "I suppose someone should call to make sure he knows Elena's all right now."_ _

__"I don't think it will help," Caroline whispers, but Damon doesn't seem to hear her._ _

__"Hey," Stefan says, getting Elena's attention._ _

__She looks at him, raising a single eyebrow, but otherwise not moving at all in his direction._ _

__He frowns. Then says, "Is what Damon said true? Have you turned off... humanity?"_ _

__Although he speaks to her softly, Stefan still says this in a room full of people. One of whom--Liz Forbes--isn't even a vampire who will understand. Elena watches as she pauses as though completely uncertain what to do with this kind of information. Elena supposes it's one thing to help a bunch of teenagers one's known since they were children. But the idea of one of them having turned off their humanity probably changes things._ _

__Humans don't like humanity being turned off like a light switch._ _

__And so Elena glares at Stefan. "Not that it's any of your business," she starts, which isn't the same as 'no'._ _

__That, however, isn't what Stefan leaps on. "Not any of my business!? Elena, I love you."_ _

__Elena's so bored of this conversation, and it's barely even started._ _

__Instead of answering, she looks towards Caroline. "Do we have to be in the same car as him?"_ _

__Caroline widens her eyes. Looking from Stefan, to her mom, then back to Elena, she says, "Wow, that's really eerie. You with your humanity turned off looks a lot like Katherine."_ _

__"She _isn't_ Katherine," Stefan all but hisses._ _

__"Can someone please explain to me what 'humanity turned off' means?" Liz asks. She seems a bit paler than she was only moments ago._ _

__"Exactly what it says," Damon breezes in easily, having obviously finished his short conversation with Matt. "Vampires are different to humans, Liz. You know that. I can see we're talking about Elena now."_ _

__Stefan's shaking his head, but at least he isn't saying anything now._ _

__Tyler leans forward, closer to Elena. "Is what Stefan said true?" he asks her. "Have you turned your humanity off?"_ _

__"Of course she has!" Damon answers for her. "Who would want to deal with all you lot flapping around her straight after having died and come back?"_ _

__Somehow, his words seem to bring out some kind of shame in those assembled. Elena's surprised; even Liz looks away as though she's more embarrassed by her own behaviour than worried about Elena's._ _

__When Elena looks at Damon in confusion over how he did that--because it certainly wasn't compulsion that he used, she knows that much--he just winks at her. And Elena, who was certain she should be more annoyed with him for speaking for her just now... smiles back instead. Maybe it's good that she's around both Caroline _and_ Damon right now._ _


	4. Chapter 4

They weren't prepared to leave Mystic Falls that night. Thankfully, there'd been no move made by the council. 

Now that it's night--and therefore vampire's strongest time--Damon's confident that no move will be made before morning. 

"And therefore," he says, "no point in wasting valuable time we could be sleeping."

Stefan and Damon bring Elena back to the boarding house, which Elena is wary of accepting to begin with. But then another look at Liz Forbes' face reminds her that she does not have Damon's way with the sheriff of Mystic Falls. Perhaps being a vampire who's turned off their humanity means it's not the wisest thing to stay in this house overnight.

"I'll see you first thing tomorrow morning," Caroline promises her, and Elena nods with one last look towards Liz, before allowing herself to be led away. 

Now she's at the boarding house, which is as familiar to her as her own home. Neither one of the boys suggest her sleeping in their room. They're smarter than that, each having their own experiences with flicking their own humanity switches. In fact, Damon vanished upstairs soon after they closed the door behind them. 

Stefan attempts a few awkward conversational starters that Elena doesn't pay much attention to as she examines the boarding house with new senses. There's the smell of cedar wood that she's never noticed before. There's so much of it, so many beautiful pieces of old, wooden furniture. She's been here hundreds of times and never noticed the way it makes the home smell. 

As well, she can smell the blood bags that the brothers keep in the basement. That she's always been aware of, but there's a new interest in knowing it now. 

"I guess..." Stefan says, with his latest attempt at conversation. "I'll leave you to settle in."

Elena watches him as he begins to take the stairs to his own room. She understands that, for him, he's in the midst of grateful reunion after having separated himself from her as well as his emotions. For her, however, she sees the choices he made, and she's making the choices she didn't have the heart to make before this. 

She definitely thinks that makes her the stronger one of them.

Wandering around the boarding house without either of the boys has a limited interest, but she's not remotely sleepy yet. Finally, Elena makes her own way up the stairs, but she already knows she's not going to one of the spare bedrooms. 

She finds her way to the doorway of Damon's bedroom without too much surprise. 

He has his back to her, facing the window in the room and looking out. There's a half full glass of amber liquid in his hand, and Elena considers that she'd quite like to help herself to some of that. Not to stifle the hunger--she remembers again the blood bags downstairs--but because it's something that's so often been taboo. It doesn't need to be anymore. Not only is she 18 years old, but she's also a vampire. Nobody is going to stop her drinking anymore. 

Damon tilts his head as he hears her enter the room and help herself to a glass of his scotch. He doesn't say anything, just watches as she lifts the decanter and pours. Elena doesn't need to look up at him to feel his gaze on her. It's like there's electricity between them. Even without her humanity, it's something she can't help but be aware of, just like the smell of the cedar wood. 

She lifts the glass to her lips even as she turns to finally face him in her own time. He is still gazing her way, his eyes half lidded and watchful. There's no winking between them now, no quips. Elena can see a sadness in him now that wasn't present at the Forbes' house. 

"You're sad," is all she says. If he can state facts about her state of humanity, it seems only fair that she can state facts about his own emotional state. 

Damon shrugs and takes another gulp of his scotch. Elena finally remembers the way her life was linked to Alaric's. And that means, when she drowned, he died too. 

"Alaric's dead. He must be," Elena states, also as fact, but she feels a quiver of something deep within her. 

"He is," Damon says without inflection, just finishing the rest of his scotch in one large mouthful. With long strides, he makes his way across to where she stands by the decanter, and begins to pour himself another drink. "What of it?"

"That's why you're sad," Elena says. 

Damon doesn't dignify this with a response. 

Elena realises that she is now the one making small talk in Stefan's absence. Blinking several times, she takes a few steps away from him. She feels a little bit of annoyance at herself. Either she cares, or she doesn't. She was right there for Lexi attempting to bring Stefan back to himself that most recent time. She knows how important it is to get a vampire with humanity switched off to feel anything. 

She doesn't want to feel anything, because then she'll have to feel everything, and she already knows that's going to be too much. 

So, instead, she finds herself walking to the window Damon so recently stood by. Their positions are reversed, and Elena feels immediately better. 

"It's a nice view from here," she observes mildly. 

A pause from Damon, as he doesn't reply immediately. Then, "What are you doing here, Elena?"

Elena half turns from the window to look at him, still holding onto her glass. 

Damon's lips part, then he looks away sharply. A bitter chuckle leaves his lips. "Caroline was right."

Elena doesn't think that sounds like a compliment. "About what?" she asks suspiciously.

"You without your humanity looks a lot like Katherine."

"I'm not Katherine," Elena says sharply. Nevermind that Stefan reacted so similarly only hours ago. 

But Damon doesn't say anything, just shakes his head, still not looking at her. 

Elena lifts her chin and forces herself to look away from him. Suddenly, the feeling of alcohol at the back of her throat doesn't sooth her. Holding the glass doesn't make her feel grown up or vampire enough to make her own decisions. She blinks several times, too many times, before she realises just how much having both Caroline and Damon observe she's just like Katherine bothers her. 

"I'm not like Katherine," she whispers, more to herself than Damon. 

She doesn't notice it when Damon's attention comes back to her this time. When he takes a step towards her, then another. 

"Why, Elena," he asks, and he's not only a step away from her. "Why did you do it?"

Elena looks up at him, still trying to force the hurt down from her eyes. "Do what?" she asks, trying for fierce and knowing she doesn't quite reach it. 

"Why did you turn your humanity off?" Damon's voice sounds raw, like he's been wanting to demand the answer to this question since he first figured it out at the hospital. He's been so jovial and, well, himself in performance and Elena realises she had no idea that any other feelings were beneath that facade. 

Her lips part and she's helpless, just looking back up at him. 

Gently, Damon takes the half empty glass of scotch from her hand and leaves it on the table. Then he takes her hand in his. "Is it so awful, that you're a vampire now?" His eyes are earnest as he looks down at her, like her answer really matters to him.

And Elena wonders how many times she can answer flippantly, like none of this matters, before he turns away from her like he did from Katherine. 

It's not even a conscious choice when she shakes her head, licks her lips with a tongue that's suddenly too dry. "It's too much," she answers honestly, and tells herself that she's not feeling anything as she says it. Just being honest. What's the harm in that? "All the emotions, the sudden blood lust, all of you having to run away from Mystic Falls." Her voice breaks then and she forces herself to stop speaking. There wasn't supposed to be harm in speaking honestly, yet it's opened something inside her. 

Damon tightens his fingers around hers, and dips his head to try to maintain eye contact with her. "You know your emotions are heightened. You know more than a lot of humans who get turned into vampires. You can use that to help you," he says urgently. 

Elena breaks away from him, blinking away tears furiously. Where did they come from? "I know that," she tells him, her voice rough. It's not vulnerable honesty this time, and that makes it easier to hold herself in check.

"Okay," Damon says, not advancing on her again. "Okay then."

Elena looks at the scotch he's put down on the table, then away again. Why did she come in here? Why didn't she just sleep and wait till tomorrow when they were going? Everything would have been easier then. 

And yet, instead, she finds herself talking to Damon again. Because he's actually really easy for her to talk to. Easier than anyone else in her life. And he's here, still in her life. "I didn't want to be a monster to Jeremy, but I also didn't want to leave him without any family. There's no way to use that to help me."

"No," Damon admits. "Not when you're looking at it like that."

Elena narrows her eyes up at him. "What other way is there to possibly look at it?"

Damon's eyebrows rise, and she realises that's probably not the nicest way she could have put it. Nevertheless, he replies to her question in good enough humour. "Would you ever look at Jeremy as a monster? If Anna turned him?"

Elena remembers that doomed time when Anna gave Jeremy her blood and Jeremy took pills. She's absolutely railed Jeremy about that, before losing it at Anna for doing something so stupid as giving him her blood! What had she thought he would do with it? But none of that had ever been about seeing Jeremy as a monster if he'd actually died and come back a vampire. It had been about protecting him from a fate she didn't want for him. 

A fate she's happy about for herself now, she reminds herself. 

"It's complicated," Elena answers instead, not wanting to go into all of that out loud.

"No, it's not," Damon says, staying with her. "It's actually very simple. Jeremy's your brother. He'll always be your brother. Vampire or not."

That's true, but it feels like letting Damon win if she admits to it. Better to say nothing. 

Damon's patient, though. He's had time to learn to be. "And you'll always be Jeremy's sister," he finishes. "No matter who your parents are. No matter whether you're a vampire or not."

A tear escapes and trickles down her cheek. "No," she says, walking away from him again, not because she disagrees with what he's said, but because it's hit a place so deep in her that she's defenceless against it. She doesn't want to be defenceless anymore. That's the big upside of being a vampire!

"Yes," Damon says relentlessly. He catches her before she walks too far. "Look at me," he demands. She doesn't, and he shakes her. "Look at me!"

"You can't compel me anymore," Elena tells him because, oh yes, she can remember that now. Never mind that he never did it to say anything other than his feelings and then take them back. Not like the way he treated Caroline. But it's still something she can throw back at him now. 

"I'm not trying to compel you," he tells her right back, and she can hear his frustration, feel it in the way his fingertips are biting into her upper arms. "I'm just trying to get you to listen." He bares his teeth on that last word, and Elena decides the best response to this--the most strategic--is not continue this conversation and not to try to get out of his hold. 

She pushes forward and presses her lips against his. His lips are still open, and she moves hers against his, capturing his surprise and using it to bring him closer. They are pressed against each other, chest to thigh, and she's already panting into his mouth. 

Damon growls, then brings one of his hands from her arm into her hair and pulls it into a fist. Elena gasps, but doesn't pull away. Can't pull away. Just like that, he's taken control of everything. She's stronger than she used to be, but nothing compared to him. 

She doesn't try to pull away. That's the last thing she wants to do. Ending the conversation that was forcing her to feel was the best decision, and getting to have the reward of being so close to him afterwards is everything she could have needed. 

Elena feels the veins creeping down from her eyes, feels her teeth elongate, right before Damon moans and kisses her more deeply. Her tongue doesn't just find her own teeth. It also finds that his canine teeth have grown. If she lifted her hands to his face, she knows she'd feel the same veins that are rippling down her own cheeks. 

He's showing himself to her in a way he's never done before. When she wasn't a vampire. When she was someone he could very easily break. 

He's not holding himself back anymore. 

Elena bites his lower lip and relishes the way he groans. Then suddenly they're flying across the room and Elena's back is against one of the walls of the bedroom. Damon is pressing himself even tighter to her now, his fist in her hair the only thing stopping her head from hitting against the wall with his force. 

She smiles, realising that two can play at this game now. 

She uses her own speed to move them from one wall where it's her back pressed against the wall, to another where his is. He chuckles into her mouth and then a second later they've spun around and she's pressed between him and a wall once more. 

"No fair," Elena grouses against his lips.

"Didn't say it was," Damon says with another delighted, heated chuckle. 

Elena decides that it's too much trouble to hold onto not feeling anything with him. The switch is just as easy to turn on as it was to turn off.

*

He takes care of her afterwards. 

She cries a lot, and laughs when he tickles her, and mourns her old life. But she also holds onto him tight silently glad that the decision was taken out of her hands, and now she doesn't have to torture herself about how long she can realistically stay romantically entangled with her boys while she's a human, and they're both vampires. 

At some point, Elena becomes aware of Stefan standing in the doorway of the bedroom. Elena and Damon are sprawled across the bed, and Stefan won't walk into the room without an invitation from one of them; even if he doesn't strictly need it. 

Elena sits up when she sees him. She let him go, she remembers. In the morgue, when she first turned off her emotions. She let him go. 

"Hey," Stefan says softly, his eyes not leaving hers. 

Damon sits up as well, giving her some space by not touching her right in that moment. 

Elena doesn't look at him. It's too soon. She hasn't had time to think through and examine her feelings about him. Nothing changed for her with Damon when she turned off her humanity, but it did with Stefan. Just like it did for Stefan with her. Surely that meant something. 

It wasn't just her love that wasn't enough to bring Stefan back. Stefan's love wasn't the thing to bring her back either.

Slowly, Elena looks from Stefan to Damon. She wonders if she sees silent understanding in his features when he looks back at her. They've already been through so much. He's always been the one who was right at her side when she's opened her eyes. The one who spent so much time getting to understand her better than anyone else.

Looking away from him regretfully, Elena pushes up from the bed towards Stefan. "I suppose we have to talk."

*

It's not a fun conversation to have. There's a part of Elena that will always love Stefan, just like she knows there's a part of him that will always love her. 

He's not even looking at her as she says the words that will end their relationship. He just ducks his head and looks past her towards the wall. It's almost the same as the times they broke up with each other at the start, or the times they broke up because of Katherine. They should have been used to the feelings this produced by now. 

Elena doesn't feel well practiced at it at all. She doesn't know whether it's the finality of it--the fact that no one has broken them up this time except themselves--or that she's a vampire now that makes everything feel bigger, and worse. 

Maybe he picks up on that, because he finally looks at her towards the end. 

"It's okay," he tells her. "I know this was hard. The end of a long line of hard things. But I understand."

"You do?" Elena asks, tears streaming down her face again. There's a part of her that wants to cut the feelings off again, but now that she knows how easy it is to do, she won't choose it again. She won't cheapen what she's had with Stefan this whole time by coping out like that. 

"Of course I understand, Elena." He shakes his head, looking sadly down at her. "Everything changes when you become a vampire. You think I don't know that?"

Elena smiles, and it's also sad. "Of course you do," she says. "I wasn't thinking."

"I'm still here for you," he reassures her. "I mean it. Whatever you need."

Elena hugs him then. She can't help it. He may not be her boyfriend anymore, but he's still her friend. One of her best friends. And that thought fills her up with so much emotion that she realises doesn't want to switch off her humanity anymore. Not even a little bit. She wants to feel every bit of this, and remember it. 

"Are you all right?" Damon asks her afterwards.

"Yeah," Elena says, quite sure of it. "I am."


End file.
